"This Podcast is My Nightmare"
THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE
And since I set such a beautiful scene (with such delicious perks), it might surprise you to know that being on this podcast is basically my nightmare. Seriously.
After most episodes I turn to Rachel, Samantha, and our producer Mitch and unload all of my insecurities:
Was that okay?
Sorry I was so all over the place.
Was I making any sense?
You’re going to have to edit my thoughts into something coherent, Mitch.
YOU GUYS, I’M NOT DOING OKAY
And the truth is that while sometimes I really don’t make sense, my thoughts aren’t always coherent, and some episodes are better than others, when I ask these questions what I really mean to say is:
- DO I SEEM LIKE I’M DOING OKAY?
- YOU GUYS, I’M NOT DOING OKAY.
See, this podcast is my nightmare because at a time when I’d prefer not to check in with myself and ask hard questions like “How are you doing?” I’ve created a system in which I’m forced to do so every other Monday… and then ask other people to listen to it.
I DON’T LOVE IT, I NEED IT
I agreed to this nightmare (okay, podcast) because while I’d rather do everything within my power to avoid it, a regular process of checking in and being vulnerable is good for me.
Like many things in life that create space for us grow, WE DO WE is a good thing wrapped in something that’s scary. It’s a reminder that in order to keep growing, I have to step outside my comfort zone. I have to be willing to be seen in all of my imperfection. I have to be willing to show up and do my best.
WE GO BACK IN
Elizabeth Gilbert uses the phrase “go back in” to remind herself to return to tough situations when they still have more to offer. It’s a phrase I hold close during a season where my life is presenting big opportunities that scare me big time.
But hey! I don’t share all of this to take the joy out of the pod. I assure you, anytime I get to spend with my smart and talented friends is a time I’m thankful for.
I share it with you to say that as much as we pontificate about little ways to treat ourselves better and feel a little better, sometimes we don’t. That's okay! The point – as I believe it – isn't to arrive at the results, but to participate in the process. The point friends, is to go back in.